I have a love-hate relationship with romantic movies.

What I love about them is the beautiful way in which they portray the nuances of love. The tiny details, beautiful songs, thoughtful scenes, and so much more make them a beautiful experience.

But what I don’t love is the perception of love they create for all of us.

Across the board, from classics like Titanic to modern shows, the message is always the same: “You fall in love with someone so deeply and so intensely that from this point on, nothing else matters in life.”

That one person becomes someone you’d sacrifice everything for because they love you and you love them. 

The relationship blossoms not on practical realities but on the effervescence of heightened emotions and passion.

There’s nothing wrong with that—except for the fact that it isn’t real.

It’s a story that sells extremely well because all of us want to experience the fulfillment, importance, and value we feel when someone loves us as deeply and completely as we see in the movies.

It feels good. It feels beautiful in a way that’s unlike anything else in the world.

So, we chase it. We feel incomplete without a relationship. We see all our friends going on dates, or even getting married, and we think, “Oh, I need to do it too. When will I find the one?”

And we get desperate for someone else’s love. All the while, when we’re just with ourselves, we feel a nagging sense of lack. So, when we finally meet someone whom we adore (and they reciprocate the love), we give everything to them (or at least try to).

We may not show the desperation, but we’re spending all our time thinking about them. In the initial phase, it feels like our own rom-com because we finally have someone who cares so much. We double-think every text, laugh endlessly on phone calls and dates, and feel so blessed with love. We become the second priority to ourselves; this person becomes the first.

Now, at this point, the movie ends. But our life and relationship don’t.

As the relationship continues, conflicts start to erupt. Misunderstandings occur. And all the messy things the movies casually leave out start happening.

But instead of seeing the reality of that mess (so that we can deal with it), we choose to feel hurt and unloved because in our minds we think, “Love isn’t supposed to be like this. When I met this person, they were so different. Now it feels like they just want to hurt me for no reason at all.”

What was supposed to be a wonderful, blossoming, rose-like relationship turns into a garden where all the love, admiration, and respect fall away like dry petals, and only the thorns are left.

The face that once excited us now instills fear, hatred, and disgust in our hearts. And we enter the “Love is a lie. I’m never falling for anyone again” phase. 

But instead of feeling free and independent, we feel low, lonely, scared, and hurt. Instead of experiencing the joy of leaving a bad relationship, we continue to roll around in all the negativity that a breakup or divorce creates.

And it hampers not just our romantic relationship, but all our other relationships too. We stop showing up with love and care for others. Our energy dips. Our growth and success in our career suffer.

Life itself takes a hit. Because we lost ourselves in a dream. And now that we’re awake, we have no idea who we are or what we should do.

I know I’ve painted a grim picture here, so before you quit on love forever, here’s a bit of good news: you don’t have to do a lot of things to sort this mess out. You just need one tiny shift in the way you approach your relationships.

The moment you make that shift, love floods your life regardless of who you have (or don’t).

Stop Chasing Love. Start Finding it Instead.

The premise we’re approaching this conversation from is a powerful one. What if the movies got your expectations all wrong? What if you didn’t really have to chase all this love from other people, because you already have it all within you?

Think about it.

Who has felt more love in your life? The current version of you that’s chasing it, or the 5-year-old version of you who felt so much happiness when they got a surprise treat?

We all know the answer. It’s the 5-year-old kid.

Now my question is, did that kid have a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife? Did they have a lot of friends and a lot of ‘fun’ activities we chase as adults?

Of course not.

But did they feel a lot more love and connection than you feel today?

A 100% yes.

So, it’s good to go back to that kid and understand what they were doing right, so you can do it now, and unlock so much love that, with or without a partner, you never feel a lack of it.

Here’s what you did at five-years-old: you made love very simple.

A gift from a friend was love. An A+ on a test sheet was love. Your favorite food for dinner was love. A walk in the park was love. Playing with your imaginary friends in your bedroom was love. Cycling without support wheels for the first time was love. Finally, being able to read a book was love. Hearing a silly joke was love. Everything, no matter how big or small, was love.

Because you were love. You didn’t need anybody to make you feel loved because that’s just who you were.

Now, can I tell you the truth?

You are still love. That part of you has not gone away. It’s there. You’ve become blind to it because you only want a specific kind of love that you’re desperate for.

If you were to start counting all the big, small, and weird ways in which you experienced love every single day, you’d have so much that you’ll never run out of it.

My question is, are you willing to look beyond the tiny lens of romance and look at life itself as love?

Because once you do, you become a new person. Otherwise, when you beg for love, you compromise. When you’re desperate for it, you say yes to the wrong person and not only suffer yourself, but also make them suffer.

But when you are already full of it, you acknowledge and experience it, and you’re happy as you are, then someone special can come into your life, and you can be with them for who they are and not for the missing feelings they temporarily make you feel.

And when, for some reason, that person or their love goes away, it doesn’t destroy your life because the source of your love is within, not outside.

You continue living in love and peace because that’s who you were before, that’s who you are, and that’s who you will be.

When you acknowledge this, two funny things happen: you become completely okay with or without a relationship. So, you shine your brightest, and that’s precisely why you radiate so much joy and love to others that they naturally feel like being around you.

And the chances of you finding someone who truly connects with you skyrocket.

It’s like a bank that never gives a loan to a beggar. But they do give it to a business owner who doesn’t even need it.

Love works the same way.

The more you chase love, the less you get.

The more you find love within, the more you give, and the more you get.

So, stop chasing and start finding. When you fall in love with yourself first, that’s the energy people pick up from you, and that’s what they give you back. 

Start now. Start inside. And miracles will follow 🙂