The funniest thing I have ever heard is, “I can’t communicate well enough.”

Because the truth is, all human beings have an innate ability to communicate. Babies can communicate a hundred different things with just a cry. But we have thousands of words in our roster, and yet, we’re scared.

We speak shyly or way too loudly. We worry more about our perception than the words that come out of our mouths. We are more concerned about playing it safe than just being ourselves.

And then, we no longer communicate. Instead, we engage in an awkward back-and-forth game of chess that ends with one person feeling inferior to the other.

That’s not communication. That’s competition.

Our biggest mistake is thinking both are the same.

Today, you’ll know exactly how to avoid that and become so good at communicating that people ask you, “Did you start talking straight out of the womb? Like, how are you so good at connecting with others?”

And with a sly smile, you’ll remember it started here, with a simple shift in your mindset.

Why Do We Fail?

Because we forget this principle: “Simple is profound.”

And communication is the simplest of all the skills out there. We just complicate it with irrational fears and expectations.

Let’s understand what communication truly is, at its core: “the exchange of information through various mediums like speaking, writing, gestures, etc.”

That’s it. The only purpose of communication is to transmit information. And we know that it’s been successful when everyone who’s communicating (and being communicated to) understands the information.

But we complicate it. And that’s exactly why we fail. We also give this simple activity the role of managing our reputation.

We think, “Oh, I must impress when I talk.” 

We expect, “He should do exactly what I’m asking him to do.”

We believe, “If other people judge us, that means we’re bad communicators.”

All these thoughts (and a hundred variations of these) occupy so much of our attention that we fail at fulfilling the basic purpose of communication.

Our speech winds up and down. Our words sound manipulative. Trust goes down. And all of us suffer the wrath of unsuccessful communication: fights, misunderstandings, grudges, and soured relationships.

We don’t need ‘more’ tips and tricks to communicate better; we just need to strip back and fulfill the original purpose.

The Key to Simple, Effective Communication…

…is to focus only on communicating, and not on yourself.

Whenever you are talking, ask yourself, “What’s my purpose?”

And out of all the things it could be, here’s what it should never be, “I want to make an impression. I want to show them just how good I am. I want them to respect me and love me and give me importance.”

All communication that happens from this lens will fail 100% of the time.

Because you’re not trying to ensure success, you’re just trying to create an image through your words.

And people can see through that.

But if you focus on them and think:

“How can I say things to make sure they understand it?”

“What do they want? And how can I align my thoughts to their desired outcome?”

“We’ve been fighting a lot. So how can I diffuse that? What would make them feel safer, calmer, and less angry?”

“I want to make sure that the boss understands exactly why this project is important. How can I ensure he gets the idea?”

“I know talking to my parents about my decision is going to be scary. But what can I say or do to improve their understanding, to talk it out with them, and to let them know I have clarity and confidence in my decision?”

When you stop trying to make an impression, people are impressed by your clarity and articulation.

When you stop trying to manage your reputation, your reputation manages itself because people are amazed by how aware you are when you talk.

When you stop trying to look friendly or approachable, people start approaching you and feel comfortable around you because you know instinctively that the best way to communicate with someone is to ask and listen to what they want to say (and to ignore your need for validation and pride).

When people feel seen around you, they’ll know you’re a great communicator, and opportunities will start opening up.

But it will only happen when you let go of your compulsive need to be seen, to be acknowledged, and to be respected by others.

Because then, you’ll truly be able to focus on creating understanding and fulfilling the purpose of any and every conversation you have.

And in no time, you will be a master communicator because in a sea full of attention seekers, you’ll be an attention giver, and that will make you stand out.

Master communicators are experts at attention-giving.

Now, you know exactly how to make that happen!