I’ve often thought about how I can introduce myself in one line. After all, I do so many different things all at once.

And recently, one line came to my mind. It may sound corny, but I love it! “I transform lives for a living.”

That is the essence of everything I do as a coach, corporate trainer, author, speaker, content creator, and even a friend and son. 

So, for someone who transforms people’s lives through his work, it would make sense that he himself must have mastered quite a few principles, thinking processes, and ways of living that lead us to success and our dream life.

And that’s true. I deliver that exact transformation to everyone who works with me. With this newsletter, the aim is the same.

But can I make a confession here?

Even though I know success and how to create it, I would still call it more of an acquaintance in my life. Failure, on the other hand, is my ride-or-die friend!

It’s sounds crazy, I know, but it’s the reality. If I’ve succeeded 10 times in life, I’ve probably failed, at the very least, a hundred or more times.

Now if you were to just look at this ratio and come to a conclusion, you would say, “Well, this is crazy! Here’s a person who claims to transform people’s lives through his coaching but he himself has failed ten times more than he has ever succeeded. He’s a false marketer and a scammer!”

Before you go that far, though, can I present to you a different lens on failure today? We inherently believe it is a painful, suffering-filled process that only delays our success and achievement, but what if I told you that those failures are the very reason I am standing where I am at the age of 19?

Those moments I fell flat on my face are the reason I now have the capacity to sit with a couple on the brink of divorce and help them rekindle love, respect, and connection in their marriage.

All those times I failed to achieve my professional targets are the wisdom and experience that now help me guide entrepreneurs and other professionals to navigate the tough seas of their career journey with poise, clarity, and courage.

And all the times I failed to make a connection with my friends is the reason I am now a good enough communicator who is warm and loving in his demeanor and can hold a conversation with almost anyone (even a stranger).

I used to believe that every time my plans didn’t work, I must have done something wrong (and I would go on a tangent of beating myself up for being so stupid). Every time I failed, I would feel dejected, hurt, and frustrated thinking, “Why is this not working out?”

And then I would remember a meme on the internet that went something like this, “People say, ‘God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.’ But when DID I SIGN UP FOR THE WAR?”

I would think that way. And I would curse the failure, but even more, I would curse myself.

But I started to realize that this cycle wasn’t helping me. With every failure, I wasn’t improving; I was just going further down the loop of judging and criticizing myself.

So, I switched things up.

Rather than hating the failures, I thought, why not experiment with them?

By experiment, here’s what I mean: every time you fail, rather than asking, “Why did I fail? Why is God so unfair to me only? Not again!” start asking, “What’s the lesson here? If this was a video game, what would I change in my actions or steps to go to the next level?”

When I changed the questions I asked about my failures, my actions and my results also changed!

That’s when I recognized, failure in and of itself is not a bad thing. And failure is not even a teacher as we’ve heard in the proverbs. It’s a good philosophy but no failure in your life ever comes up to you and says, “Okay, look, here’s what I am trying to teach you.”

Failure is just…failure. We add so much unnecessary emotional baggage and toll to our failures that rather than seeing the reality, we see distortions that say, “I am a failure” when the simple truth is, “I have failed.”

There’s a big difference between those two statements. But you become aware to that difference when you change your questions. Instead of cursing and hating your failures, you turn them into a blooming ground of wisdom by asking, ‘What’s the lesson here?’

When you invite the lesson, failure becomes the teacher.

When you invite the self-hatred, failure becomes the curse.

When you invite the possibility of growth, failure becomes a catalyst that speeds up your success.

When you invite frustration, failure becomes the roadblock that keeps you from success.

Failure is like water. It mixes with everything. It flows through every part of life. It’s inevitable. It’s something that you need (even if you may not want it). And it does not have an identity. 

It is what you say it is.

So why hold on to a definition that limits you and your potential? Turn it into a video game, an experiment, a launchpad for growth, or anything that fancies you. Redefine failure for your life and for your terms. And what was once your biggest fear can now become your biggest supporter.

The reason I have so much confidence in my skills, work, and impact is because I have failed so much! I have redefined failure for myself as, “Every failure in my life is a stepping stone towards my dreams because every time I learn what not to do, I get more clarity on WHAT TO DO and that’s why I’m thankful to all my failures.”

So now, because I think this way, the failure may hurt in the moment, but it’s very easy for me to turn that into excitement. Not because it’s logical; but because I have consciously redefined it.

What’s your choice? Are you willing to experiment with your failures and redefine them? After all, you cannot avoid them. So, isn’t it better to choose a meaning that empowers us?

I’d love to know, what’s your new definition for your failures? Inspire me 🙂