There are two ways people enjoy Valentine’s day. The first one is going out with someone they love, and the second one is watching someone go through the panic, the anxiety, and the anticipation of asking someone out and laughing in the background at their awkwardness. It’s a complete drama show on it’s own.
And in high school, the episodes are especially dramatic. The pining and anticipation is so visible throughout the Valentine’s week! I have never seen people overthink their words so much and try to plan everything perfectly. And then do it all over again because they think, “What if I mess it up?”
This feeling continues well on after high school, and I’m sure many of you would have a funny story or two about asking your crush out. 😅
But this anxiety, this anticipation, and this confusion actually holds a lesson for us, if we look at it through an aspect that isn’t as funny and that can change the trajectory of your Valentine’s Day forever. Keep reading to find out how!
Why do people feel scared to express their love?
I have thought a lot about this question because this experience shouldn’t really be scary. It’s ironic, really.
You see, we’ve talked a lot about love over the past few days, and the one thing that we’ve understood from it is that love is a feeling of happiness, security, and joy. Nowhere does it have any link with the feelings of fear, doubt, confusion, and uncertainty. But then, when it’s time to express these feelings of love with the person we have them for, why do we feel fearful, doubtful, and overthink everything? Logically, it shouldn’t happen, right?
Well, one explanation that puts everything to rest is that love isn’t logical. It brings in a whirlwind of emotions and that’s why nothing seems to make sense. While that explanation can save us the work, it won’t lead us to the real solution. It’s time to dig deeper and understand why fear predominates love. And let me tell you, it’s very interesting!
The biggest reason behind feeling nervous or scared of expressing or confessing our love to someone is that we’re afraid of rejection. We’re afraid that they will say no, and that news will spread across to everybody and make us seem like a loser. We’re scared by the feeling afterwards, that pushes us deeper and deeper into guilt and sadness. And above all, we’re scared of losing the connection that we have with that person. We feel that maybe, we won’t be friends with them anymore and that’s a scary prospective.
It’s all of these fears that make us scared of expressing our love, and honestly, they are rational enough. There is definitely a possibility that the person you like and love doesn’t love you back, and your proposal or actions could ruin the connection that already exists. But how do we figure out what to do and feel confident enough in actually expressing our love?
The answer, like everything else that we have discussed before, lies within you. And to discover it, you need to do one of the most important things for laying the foundation of any relationship: feeling secure and confident within.
Once you have that set as a foundation for your life, you’ll be able to make the right decisions and choose what is right for you and for your life, and that way, you will never regret your choice of letting the other person know your feelings or not.
How to Build Internal Security?
Building that security within, like any other improvement, is a process. Let’s have a look at it and figure out exactly how you can do that!
- Empower Yourself.
This is a culmination of all that we’ve discussed over the past few days. Empowering yourself means knowing your worth but being humble too. Empowering yourself means saying positive things about yourself but also being open to feedback and improvement. Empowering yourself means that you know when to take a stand and be kind to others at the same time. And above all, empowering yourself means being your true self, unapologetically. And how do you empower yourself? By putting these words into actions. By actually saying good things about yourself. By building the courage to speak up. And once you do this, day by day, you’ll build true confidence!
- Find your dreams and passion.
Everyone likes a person who is confident, clear, and headed in the right direction for their lives. There is just a different aura that they have that reflects in every aspect. That clarity seeps into their actions, their words, and their relationships. So, before you try to imagine a future with someone and all that cheesy romantic stuff, sort your life out first. Figure out what your dreams, passion, and above all, your passions are. And when you live and act in accordance to them, you know exactly what is your priority and those priorities help you make much better decisions.
- Live a life true to your values.
A lot of people wonder how they can make ethically sound decisions without feeling torn within, and the answer is always figuring out what your values are and living a life true to them. You see, your values are like guiding principles of your life that are there, no matter how much you grow and how much you change. Your values help you figure out complex life situations and make the right decision, which is the one that is the most aligned to them. And therefore, a big part of building security within is knowing your values and acting through them.
When that happens, you’ll have full clarity about your life, where you are now, and where you want to go. And with that in mind, you’ll be able to make a sound decision whether it’s in your relationships, or in any other area of your life.
Build this kind of confidence, clarity, and security this Valentine’s Day, and your relationships will truly transform forever.