At some time or the other, we have all heard breakup songs, either on the radio, or on our Spotify shuffle. And they feel… powerful. They feel full of emotion, and they feel full of angst and longing.
The words, the background music, and the variations in the tone sometimes makes me feel like I’m going through that bad breakup! I might be blasting a pop song just a few minutes earlier, and yet, those songs just make the whole vibe melancholic.
But we don’t really want that kind of vibe to mess up Valentine’s Day, right?! After all, it’s just two days away!
That’s why, we must take the time now to go through these sad songs, once and for all, and let love prevail this Valentine’s Day?
What do Breakup Songs have to do with Valentine’s Day?
I know what you’re thinking, “Prabhsimrat, why are you ruining the mood by talking about melancholy, breakup songs, and everything antithetical to the spirit of Valentine’s Day?”
Well, it’s important. You see, sometimes to enjoy the good things in life, you have to go through the bad things too. And when it comes to love and especially Valentine’s Day, the bad thing are the breakup songs.
You know why?
Because if you observe these breakup songs carefully, you’ll find out a very interesting pattern. It starts by talking about how good the relationship was, and then someone messed something up and all of it went tumbling down. Maybe it was a word they said, maybe a moment of unfaithfulness, or maybe there was a lack of communication which led to a slew of misunderstandings.
Unfortunately, that’s the truth for almost every relationship that goes bitter. It’s the lack of trust that leads people to these rough ends. And because there is a lack of trust, it makes you feel that the other person must be wrong. That leads to no proper communication and like dominos, everything falls off.
You don’t want that happening in your relationship, right? You want it to be truthful, positive, and empowering. If you’re at the stage where you’re sneaking some looks at your partner’s phone to see what they’re up to, you are far behind the stage of full and real trust. It’s time to learn how to build that trust.
How to Build Trust this Valentine’s Day?
Building trust is very similar to constructing a tower. The higher it goes, the deeper the foundation is. If it’s a one story building, a few feet deep foundation would be enough. But if it is a hundred story skyscraper, a few feet at the base will do nothing. Whenever the first storm or hurricane comes in, it will all come tumbling down.
It’s the same with relationships and trust. If the foundation of the relationship is not deep enough, it will all come tumbling down in the first fight, misunderstanding, or hiccup. It’s time to change that.
Now, when we talk about constructing a tall building, the foundation is made of concrete, cement and strong steel bars that gives it a proper structure. And in terms of relationships, the foundation is made of two important factors: full and unwavering trust in the other person, and the confidence that they won’t misuse that trust. When this feeling is mutual from both ends, it makes everything extremely simple and clear.
That’s what we’re talking about today. But before we get to the how, let’s take a moment to understand what trust really means. I remember I’d written a blog post on Trust a few years ago, and the essence was that when you truly trust someone, you don’t have to think twice about laying down your complete and vulnerable truth, as it is, without being afraid of them judging you or using that information against you. That’s the true meaning of trust, and building it is actually very simple, and it begins with… YOU!
Our theme over this week of love has been about the inside out journey, of starting from within and then expanding our love out. And that is the structure that follows trust too. It’s important that you build trust within yourself and you have that confidence and self-belief in you. Once you have that, you’ll easily make trust the foundation of your relationship. But it starts with you.
Why is that though? Because if you don’t trust yourself in the first place, you won’t be able to trust someone else. If you doubt yourself and your actions, you will doubt the actions of others. And that is why before we raise the finger on someone else, we have to remember that three are pointed towards us and we have to address those first.
3 ways to build trust and believe in yourself.
- Honor your commitments.
This is one of the most important parts of the foundation of trust. All our minds work in the same way, and we don’t believe things unless we actually see them in action and play out in front of us. That’s why if you want to build trust within and start to truly believe in yourself, it has to show up in your actions. Your mind is capable enough of calling your bluff, so don’t waste your energy trying to trick it into believing that you are trustworthy and believable when your actions say otherwise. Instead, if you just honor all your commitments, to yourself and to others, without fail, you will build that trust and belief automatically. You won’t need to use tricks anymore! - Take Baby Steps to Improve Every day
Growth is exponential, not linear. That’s why initially, you might not see any change in your thought process and in your beliefs, but consistency is the key that will take you there. So, regardless of what happens, take baby steps to improve yourself as a person every single day. Maybe it’s five minutes of exercise, reading a book, spending 2 hours in full focus mode, or improving your diet. If you keep making these tiny improvements every single day, it will lead to magical results. - Recognize your limiting beliefs and change them.
People say that ignorance is bliss, but not so much when we’re working towards building trust and belief within. Therefore, it’s important to recognize which negative and limiting thoughts are there within you. And take conscious steps to change them and reinforce new ones.
When you do all of this, you’ll build real and solid trust in your loyalty, commitment, and honor. You will live by your values, something we discussed in the previous posts in this series, and start to build all our relationships on a foundation of trust.